There is a new hygienist in my dental practice. When I went for a checkup a few weeks ago, I got in the chair, opened my mouth, and after looking for two seconds, she called me out as a tooth grinder. Pretty personal, right? Now, she’s a trained professional employed to spot things of this nature but it made me think: how long does it really take to get to know someone? Are we really able to hide who we are from those closest to us? Can we develop and maintain real relationships if we don’t…open our mouths?
I know these are pretty deep questions for a dental check-up and clearly I was not trying to hide the fact that I grind my teeth. I always have and I’d question any dental professional’s credentials if they didn’t notice. But it’s a great analogy. There are just some things in life we can’t hide from those who are either trained to spot them or those who are paying attention.
You can run but you can’t hide
Of course I have my book on the brain so relating these concepts and questions to Stay was easy for me. I believe that my characters engage in realistic relationships and I made a point of trying to make the characters in the book connect on truly personal levels because those types of connections are important to me in real life. I wanted to write about the ramifications of keeping secrets and about how doing so can cost a price that may be too steep to pay. I hope I accomplished that.
Some of you have read the book by now so you’ll understand what I mean when I say that Alexa, my protagonist, fought me (and Julian) every step of the way in regards to letting us get close to her. She really had a hard time letting people in and did her best to hide the things in her past that she felt defined her in negative and painful ways. She drove me crazy sometimes with her indecisiveness and inability to trust but I had to write her that way because it’s who she is.
I know she thought she was hiding so much from Julian but the reality is that he saw her all along. He may not have known what her secrets were but he could see who she really was and what she needed from him. Throughout the book, Alexa was unable to hide who she was because Julian wanted to know her and because he paid attention.
What you see is what you get
I believe that all of us struggle with letting people really know us. We live in a world where people really do judge us based on things we have done and things we want to do. My hygienist assumes I’m stressed out because I grind and clench my teeth at night. Not such a big deal, I know, but it proves an easy point. And yes, I have been a little stressed out lately. I did just write and release my first novel.
Doubts and insecurities plague us all at one point or another and there is no way to avoid it. We just need to fight our way through those times when we feel we aren’t good enough and surround ourselves with things and people that hold us up and help us through. Personally, I think it’s wise to be picky about who we let into our worlds and who we share things with. Finding people who you can trust and who love you no matter what is a gift and a blessing. Having those people in your life allows us to be who we really are inside. If you are going to “open your mouth” for someone, make sure that you are okay with them seeing what is inside.
Yes, I really did think about all of this in the dental chair. Some people might dream of vacations or their grocery list while letting someone else floss their teeth. I thought of this. And my book of course.
Image credit: Dan Bailey
Leave a Reply